On March 23, 2015, Kate created a profile on OkCupid.

Some 200 opening messages later, she's been on a whopping 4 dates.

Kate likes women. That feeling does not appear to be mutual.

Clearly, she's doing something right.

Each post is an excerpt of a message this seemingly inexorable self-saboteur has sent, backdated to its original send date.

More of the same is guaranteed.

Root Of All Evil

"How many times has someone walked in on you juicing beets, and then slowly backed out of the room thinking they had stumbled onto a murder scene? Because any time I've done anything remotely related to beets, the juice has gotten EVERYWHERE. And on everything. And it looks very incriminating.

I no longer cook with beets."

Probable Cure

Such Notions Are Beneath Me